He’s been dead for over four hundred years. Yet, he still has an amazingly accurate and uncanny ability to predict the future. Join us now, for the latest observations and visions of Assmericus Predicts

• A gay-boy from Quebec will attempt to take over the world. He will ultimately become more influential than Hitler was
  
  
• Fatboys in Texas will go on murderous rampages due to all the excessive heat
  
  
• Scientists will discover that dust mites are actually incognito aliens from Miranda that are spying on wetbacks from Texas
  
  
• California Bulldykes will declare independence and start their own nation- the Palo Alto Alta Vista Mountain MaMa's
  
  
• A famous former NFL running back will be caught in the act of chopping off two bulldykes heads in Palo Alto CA. The fingerprints on the butcher knife will not match and he will be acquitted
  
  
• Researchers will announce that drinking massive quantities of beer, daily, over decades, will improve your health and cause your liver to rebuild itself
  
  
• NASA will reveal that an alien being has been found in Texas
  
  
• Texas Fatboys will start losing weight worrying about aliens in Texas
  
  
• Quebec will declare war on Texas