He’s been dead for over four hundred years. Yet, he still has an amazingly accurate and uncanny ability to predict the future. Join us now, for the latest observations and visions of Assmericus Predicts

• You are going to get a juicy blowjob before the night is over
  
  
• Brock Lesnar will hold the WWE world heavyweight title for the next 44 years. Lesnar will then lose the title to Captain LDL
  
  
• Researchers will learn that you really are not dead when you are dead
  
  
• Internet Boozehounds from all over the world will flock to the wine sale to get quality booze delivered right to the doorstep!
  
  
• Believe it or not- you are eating your own shit and piss
  
  
• Porn will sweep America (as if it hasn't already)
  
  
• A new invention will enable thousands to commit suicide in a very sloppy, non-discrete fashion. This will become the prefered method of death and enable Islamic terrorist to destroy themselves
  
  
• Human garbage cans will destroy the earth
  
  
• You will conserve precious fluids by drinking your own piss