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Berserk Briefs by Dan Sroka
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Berserk Briefs by Dan Sroka
The union boys at the Westside Toilet Conglomerate were disgruntled. The management had recently altered the benefits package without consulting the members of the United Brotherhood of Professional Shitpot Testers Local 44. The boys will no longer be given a free company provided lunch of corn mush, generic spam, powdered eggs and government surplus peanut butter. Instead, the toilet testers will have to purchase their meals from the local fast food burger joint. Union President and senior shit producer Chief Hakio Hardturd threatened to strike. “Our boys can’t eat that garbage. It will give them constipation”, he argued, on behalf of his peers. But the company stood firm on the change. True to his prediction, the shitters eventually all developed constipation, which inhibited them from testing out the toilets, and, as a result the Westside Toilet Conglomerate fired every single toilet tester. The company subsequently brought in non-unionized shitters that did their tasks with no benefits and at half the salary of the (now unemployed) unionized shitters. Hakio Hardturd told the boys they were ineligible for unemployment compensation but that he was working on a deal for them to become human manure producers at a local farm.
Copyright © Dan Sroka 6/24/01
Berserk Briefs by Dan Sroka
Every saturday Olga, Gertrude and Bertha went to Hilda’s Coiffures to have their bouffant hairstyles reinforced with fast drying cement. The three also had Hilda adjust their girdles and wax their mustaches regularly. Hilda made a pretty penny on her services. And now Hilda’s Coiffures is offering pedicure services. That will enable Olga, Gertrude and Bertha to have their overgrown corns, bunions and hard thick toe nails attended to. Hilda began her pedicures, and finished up the three on short notice. She immediately posted a large sign in the front window of Hilda’s Coiffures- “Pedicure Service Canceled”.
Copyright © Dan Sroka 6/24/01, 
3/08
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