Berserk Briefs by Dan Sroka

At the Chinamans Workhouse in Blawnox, Jing Jang Jong and Dr. Hetti Yokozuki discussed the SARs virus sweeping their homeland over bottles of Kangding Peoples Fortified Malt Liquor. Dr. Yokozuki hypothesized that SARs is actually a mutated version of the Scrotumballs Cornholer Virus but Jing Jang Jong refused to believe this proposal. “Shaman Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru had predicted a virus would sweep China back in 1998” Jong emphatically stated. Sakyamuni Tathagata brought the boys their bowls of shrimp ramen noodles and another round of Kangding Peoples Fortified Malt Liquor as the two scholars further debated the inception of the deadly virus SARs. Dr. Yokozuki lit up an after dinner smoke- a toby from the Hongding Wood Crush Plant in his homeland. Jong likewise started smoking imported cigarettes from the Kangding Peoples Wood Pulp Plant. The smoke was heavy and thick in the Chinamans Workhouse in Blawnox. The boys grew groggy and their nostrils and lungs filled with thick cancerous smoke emissions from the Chinese carcinogens. Dr. Yokozuki fell to the floor in a drunken quagmire and soon after Jing Jang Jong tilted over, slumping in his chair. The chinks were both dead. Sakyamuni Tathagata called the Blawnox cops but they refused to respond, fearing SARs was living in the Chinamans Workhouse in Blawnox. As a result, Tathagata called his brother-in-law who runs the Honan Famine Robot Production Facility and asked him if he needed 2 chink corpses to install pneumatic penis’ in for the insatiable sluts that frequent the red light bars in Honan. Tathagata’s brother-in-law responded that everyone in Honan was suffering from SARs and as a result he would not need the corpses. Consequently, Sakyamuni Tathagata took Jong and Yokozuki to the basement of the Chinamans Workhouse in Blawnox and smoked them in his pork cellar for shipment to the Peoples Hard-doink Silicone Commune of Pingliang. There, their smoked penis’ would be made into anti-SARs Chinese tea elixir for the hungry employees of the Daxian Peoples Spam Factory. Two days after shipment Sakyamuni Tathagata was found dead in the Chinamans Workhouse in Blawnox. He died of SARs according to rumor. No autopsy was done, as neither the county coroner nor any medical personnel, nor the Blawnox cops would enter the Chinamans Workhouse in Blawnox!

Copyright © Dan Sroka 4/26/03