Dan Sroka July 1996 Calendar

• 7/1 PLG, still looking for a big thrill, consults the Delphi oracle on what the future holds for Hechingers
• 7/1 If you have $15,000 call 800-380-3610. Sambo gets out his nickels and calls 800-843-5400 for a great opportunity
• 7/1 Werewolves roam London- Warren Zevon and Lon Chaney Jr. have a party in Hyde Park
• 7/1 In the PISS Monday Night special-San Antonio Bexars whip the Norfolk Placebos 2-0
• 7/1 Jordan signs with the Bulls for $191.7 million for one season. Pippen demands a new contract
• 7/1 Moondog Brownbag Buckminster Hbomb dumps a load right on the PAT 61C-too many peanutbutter/tomato sandwiches
• 7/1 Fresh out of jail- Mr. Heroinballs gets looped on apple jack, B-40s, butu, cluck and 3 wollah cigars
• 7/1 Kathie Lee opens up a new site at---- http://www.dol.gov/dol/esa/public/nosweat/card.html
• 7/1 Desperate, ravaged and confused DS takes the Bhagavad-Gita home for some serious cerebral consumption
• 7/1 61C crashes-driver overcome by stench...bus goes over Homestead High Level bridge-65 killed by Hbomb!
• 7/1 Hardturd, dry for 3 days, orders Southern Comfort at http://www.brown-forman.com
• 7/1 Enterprising BigBucks Bigpicture registers his house as a living ant-farm..charges $2 per head admission
• 7/2 DS, now more deranged/confused, reads Paradise Lost then calls PLG to get oracle insights
• 7/2 On vacation in Calif., SAA schools in Debbie and Debbie on the Gastrointestinal Brownbag Walleye
• 7/2 Higher than the Petronas Tower- Heroinballs has a good time at.....http://www.ussc.gov/crack/exec.htm
• 7/2 Drive a toxic abortion-to learn how call 800-317-2585. Earn $35,000 a year by calling 800-682-3719
• 7/2 Delphi spilled the beans to Dr. PLG--(Some things look better just passing through)
• 7/2 Zyuganov punches/floors Yeltsin- accusing him of stealing his Nikita shoes
• 7/2 Rodents bomb the Oklahoma City 89ers 1-0, Cheeseballs 3, NY Dolls 0, Tucson Reptiles 1, Golden Showers 1.
• 7/2 Lumox Pillsbury Doughboy rototills yard converting it to a pulverized quagmire..property value down to $520
• 7/2 Muskrat Ramble blows out all competition as Phil Harris hits #1 again (see http://www.pubchoicevideo.com)
• 7/2 Fired from Wilmerding HS, Machoman Sambucks applies for technician job at Tollgrade, Nixon Rd., Cheswick 15024
• 7/2 With ants crawling all over him Machoman sends email to tollgrad@tollgrad.com
• 7/3 In slumberland Lilliput PLG meets the Pope, Andre Towianski and a muddy dog-wakes up in a cold sweat
• 7/3 Chef Qball Walleye cooks up fireworks for tom. with lard, pork weiners, spam, anchovies, bologna, + kielbassa
• 7/3 Modell calls Voinovich and begs him to take him back. Bulldykes pound the Charlotte Snuffers 13-0.
• 7/3 Call 800-505-2244 for a $19.95 internet connect with your Timex-Sinclair 64K and 300 baud modem
• 7/3 Mildew Spores stock goes higher than Heroinballs on isobutyl nitrite-DOW up 294
• 7/3 SJMF cheapskates register themselves with the Dead People server [[[[http://www.scarletfire.com/dps]]]]
• 7/3 Deathnet (http://www.islandnet.com:80/~deathnet) refuses/rejects tightwad sheisters SJMF cheapskates
• 7/3 Gluesniffer Hbomb and Heroinballs get catatonic on blue bullets, whippets and yen shee suey opium wine
• 7/3 Patriotic Jane C. enrolls in cyber-criminology program at TUHH (www.Tu-harburg.de) from Murnau prison
• 7/3 Pedro Morales beats Diesel to win the vacant WCW title and Mankind sticks his arm down Horowitzs throat
• 7/3 call Rich Ditaranto at 800-644-1860 to bring in $1,900 a week in a SALESPERSONs dream!!!!!!!
• 7/4 Gastrointestinal Nightmare-erupting all night long-drops killer fireworks...McKeesport annihilated
• 7/4 Pilgrims on their way to Alpha Centauri- now 1.2 light years from Earth- report strange octagonal skews
• 7/4 PISS holiday action: Slaves 9- Boilers 2, Tulsa Spouts 1- Pink Cadillacs 0, Yellowbuckets 9- Pissants 0
• 7/4 Dole, Clinton, Netanhayu, Zyuganov, Idi Amin + Margaret Thatcher conference call on Pilgrims data
• 7/4 Holiday specials***Free Repairs-call 800-346-3931***Free Replacements-call 800-737-5223
• 7/4 covered with ants- Sam the Sham internets to Russia at http://www.fe.msk.ru/lat/infomarket
• 7/4 General Turigidson counsels Clinton in private. Clinton calls Sagan. Sagan calls Mennonites at St. Jacobs
• 7/4 Martyr Doughboy (feeling sorry for himself) eats 17 bagels -washes it down with a glass of recycled urine
• 7/4 Hbomb, still zonked from last night, wakes up to find the entire neighborhood vacated
• 7/4 Pilgrims send another message that changes are shifting outside the world...
• 7/4 Baldwin trades Mario, Francis, Jagr, Barasso, Nedved + Reget to Florida. Panthers call Modell.
• 7/5 Duped by recent readings- gullible DS changes name to Abdul-Alibaba Nanak Varhamana
• 7/5 Doris Day rises from the dead in eightfold
• 7/5 Searching for a real career (ant covered) RamboSambo checks in at----- http://www.nauticom.net/www/pdi
• 7/5 NASA receives 8 duplicate messages from Pilgrims-no details released to media
• 7/5 Hechingers opens new ..undergarment.. section with heavyduty, lace and edible-courtesy of oracle + PLG
• 7/5 Mr. Hardturd signs up for Bartending school at 800-333-7122
• 7/5 telepathic Heroinballs powders-up fentanyl murder 8 and eightball- goes into a deep coma
• 7/5 Debbie, Debbie, Janell, SAA, Hatsuyo and Ken jog 3 miles at Saddleback HS track in mud
• 7/5 Federal government announces all current $100 bills are counterfeit-BigPicture (ant covered) sweats a river
• 7/5 Abdul-Alibaba Nanak Varhamana meditates to the 4th dimension and sails with archetype 70-2NY in outer space
• 7/6 Pencil necked geek Freddie Blassee pins the Iron Sheik to win the WWF Geiser title
• 7/6 dry mouthed, runny nosed, bloodshot eyed Heroinballs rushed to hospital (http://www.tju.edu)
• 7/6 Cleveland Bulldykes are knocked from 1st place in an embarrassing loss 10-0 by the Potatos
• 7/6 Satisfaction guaranteed at 800-899-5456. Licensed-insured-dependable 800-537-3152
• 7/6 Putrid Hbomb sends in a personal want add seeking a female sulfur factory.....800-606-2290
• 7/6 Fat slob Doughboy enrolls in the Carson Long Military Institute so as to toughen up his image
• 7/6 In an emergency session Janet Reno, General Turigidson, Clinton and Keen meet promptly at 8:00 pm
• 7/6 Wilmerding HS offers BigPicture a part-time position as a urinal scrubber
• 7/7 Hillary consults with Eleanor, Bill teleconferences with April Reese at 800-308-1899 X153
• 7/7 NY Lottery Daily # 777 pays out record 360 million dollars. Oregon Pick 4 #7777 pay record $91.5 million
• 7/7 PT urinal scrubber MachomanBigbucks hits on PA Cash 5 with 7-17-27-37-0--wins $162,000 cash!
• 7/7 Wilmerding HS burns to the ground-arson suspected
• 7/7 Gluesniffer Brownpants gets email response to his personal want add..273 lb studabubba from Vladivostok
• 7/7 Newly graduated from Bartending School Hardturd scopes out http://www.nyx.net/~vkocheno/booze.html
• 7/7 Roughnecks at Carson Long discover Doughboy is a transvestite and rough him up...fatboy becomes a punching bag
• 7/7 In the runoff election Yeltsin narrowly defeats Zyuganov...final count 77,779,777 to 77,779,701
• 7/7 Excited by the prospects- Gastrointestinal Killer Walleye applies for a date at http://www.mva.com
• 7/8 UN calls an emergency meeting-all the political mogels summoned..topic- Pilgrims and secret data
• 7/8 dry mouthed, runny nosed, bloodshot eyed Heroinballs gets out of quick-fix-detox and cops bam and chandoo
• 7/8 Bigbucks, happy as a lark, send $100 bills to Provident Bank (800-335-2220) and buys an ant-eater
• 7/8 Doughboy lard-bucket, pounded to a pulp, decides hes had enough and calls 800-647-5200 for the Absculptor
• 7/8 PISS monday action doubleheader in Tupelo: Footlongs 2, Boilers 1 and Yellowbuckets flood Goldenshowers 1-0
• 7/8 Louisiana Cajan Band rocks the Apollo and Buckwheat Zydeco stuns MSG
• 7/8 Servers all over the cyber-world log jammed with email solicitations to Mr. Brownpants Buckminster
• 7/8 Mildew Spores stock goes higher than Heroinballs on dreamer morphine-DOW up 258
• 7/8 PLG seen snooping around Hechingers heavy duty section. Ant covered SamboRambo spotted in garden area
• 7/9 Professional stinkman Walleye bathes in the Yough..mistaken for a giant walleye-harpooned right thru his lung
• 7/9 Lilliput, anxious to get rolling on a new career (earning thousands of $ a day) tries http://www.westmass.com/truck
• 7/9 Hakaio Hardturd surfs the net for liquor..stumbles upon www.enterprise.ca/~DE012340/
• 7/9 Richard Turco testifies that the earth is in danger from gases like furan, zyklon B + pyrotoxins (coming from PA.)
• 7/9 Owen B. Toon warns that a hole in the earths atmosphere has formed over western PA...toxic gases are venting out
• 7/9 Sambo, feeling his financial oats takes an excursion to Miami to spend some cash
• 7/9 800-311-7407 will get grub delivered right to your doorstep!
• 7/9 Rolling on her new career of big bucks and adventure, PLG plows into http://www.bcl.net/~padgett/truckers.cgi
• 7/9 Harpooned baluga Walleye rushed to AGH for a lung transplant...call him toll (and stench) free 888-AGH-2800
• 7/10 Truckers Underwriting Credit (800-542-8782) loans PLG 180,000 dollars
• 7/10 Doughboy pumps up his LDLs by consuming 2 quarts of hydrogenated oil for breakfast
• 7/10 Heroinballs donates a frozen deer lung from his freezer for transplant into Mr. Stink
• 7/10 Frozen deer lung placed in Hbomb carcass supported by Testors airplane glue and #10 brown paper bag
• 7/10 Last rights given to Hbomb murderer at AGH. Buckminster Fuller Institute contributes a odor-proof casket
• 7/10 Jane C. escapes from Murnau prison....dragnet set up all over southern Germany
• 7/10 AGH pronounces Gastrointestinal Bombadeer dead at 11:02 pm.
• 7/10 Lilliput buys a used garbage truck from BFI for $31,070
• 7/10 BFI garbage truck makes a midnight run from North Ave. to McKeesport
• 7/11 at a Miami speakeasy Mr. MoneyRamboSambo cleans house and pulls in $10,000 in one nights work
• 7/11 NY Times leaks story that Pilgrims have passed into another dimension. UN denies the story
• 7/11 Abdul-Alibaba Nanak Varhamana calls Ms. Plummer at 800-625-4672 + Mr. Mazza at 800-874-8324
• 7/11 Email cyber-love letters keep coming by the thousands
• 7/11 Drug addict Heroinballs balls R-OH formula tears as his long time buddy is dead
• 7/11 27,900 winners in the Ohio lottery as 711 hits as the daily #....pays out $7.11 million
• 7/11 Elton plays Funeral for A Friend at Mr. Brownpants funeral
• 7/11 Formaldehyde laidened Hbomb Buckminster Brownpants BFS sealed in coffin and transported to Mon
• 7/11 In a moving ceremony- odor proof casket covered with airplane glue and brown paper-and sunk in the Mon
• 7/12 Allegheny County evacuated as mysterious fumes engulf the entire region-Ridge declares Level One alert
• 7/12 Slaves whip the Platapus 2-1. Yellowbuckets wallop Nirvanas 3-0 to tie for eastern lead
• 7/12 Chicotilo Bulls hit the top of the charts with Trash your Mother II
• 7/12 counterfeit $100 bills showing up all over southern Florida
• 7/12 Dave the P. man, fishing for carp on the Mon, has a weird other-worldly experience
• 7/12 Eleanor Roosevelt seen walking on the Mon River!
• 7/12 Sambo makes a B-line to get out of Florida
• 7/12 dry mouthed, runny nosed, bloodshot eyed Heroinballs smokes 13 Js and then sees 8 headed deer
• 7/12 the Big Rigs are summoning PLG at 800-334-1203, 800-262-2103 X4298 and 800-558-2879
• 7/13 SJMF cheapskates redo their sieve roof with 20 year old curled/cracked/dried shingles they stole
• 7/13 BigBucks Rambo Soulman Bigpicture stops in Macon looking for Brodrick Crawford- gets tanked up at a slophouse
• 7/13 recovering from jet-lag SAA smokes a toby and orders a WWII tape at 800-962-0500
• 7/13 on the banks of the Monongahela Abdul-Alibaba Nanak Varhamana meditates with the Granth Sahib
• 7/13 Ecuador Cotopaxi volcano erupts killing 1,200 villagers
• 7/13 Apollo (thru transcendental Medusa PLG) announces that -the ETERNAL STINK shall emulate again-
• 7/13 cracked out Heroinballs admits himself to WPIC as he thinks he saw the HBomb sniffing glue on a boat on the Mon
• 7/13 Abdul-Alibaba Nanak Varhamana recites Tao Te Ching on the Rankin Bridge
• 7/14 counterfeit $100 bills showing up all over central Georgia- SamboHambone makes a B-line for Tennessee
• 7/14 Jane C hired as a garbage-woman (i.e. sanitation specialist) by the PLG Rubbish Collection Franchise
• 7/14 call 800-526-3082 for Spider Veins! Get a free video at 800-483-1234
• 7/14 Monongahela begins flowing backwards......glue like odors permeate everything
• 7/14 from his hotel room in Knoxville Moneybags internets to http://liquorworld.com to chat with his boozed buddies
• 7/14 WPXI videotapes Nanak Varhamana spreading human feces all over the Mon banks near Glassport
• 7/14 In the final CBS PISS sunday spectacular- Lubbock Footlongs 7, Cheeseballs 6- Pissants 2, Pink Cadillacs 0.
• 7/14 sulfur odors and the stench of decayed deer meat cause an evacuation in the Mon-Yough area
• 7/15 In an emergency, the Pope is summoned to western PA.
• 7/15 PLG Rubbish Collection sent to Portvue by Murphy
• 7/15 CIA, FBI, Secret Service and Port Authority police swarm the Mon-Yough region
• 7/15 residents (believed to be under the effect of the toxic stench present) report seeing a grubby-stinking-bum
• 7/15 world wide news media rush to the Pittsburgh region + Unsolved Mysterys sets up a site at the river
• 7/15 authorities announce that Walleye Hbomb Buckminster is ALIVE and in their custody-(confirmed by the smell)
• 7/15 World media in turmoil. Is this the real stinkbomb? Was Buckminster really dead? Is this a miracle?
• 7/16 millions rush to Mon-Yough area to witness the unknown/unexplained
• 7/16 RamboSambo B-lines to McKeesport to capitalize on the opportunity at hand (counterfeit $100 bills flying)
• 7/16 Pope declares this is all poppycock. Law enforcement authorities grill alleged Brownpant for hours
• 7/16 Richard Turco warns that dangerous levels of toxic gases are building up in western PA
• 7/16 get your rotten teeth pulled at http://wordpro.com/jcomisi/
• 7/16 NY Times declares that reborn Gastrointestinal Nightmare is a modern miracle and the new messiah
• 7/16 airplane glue stocks rocket on Wallstreet..a nationwide shortage of brown paper bags drives prices skyward
• 7/16 thousands of bogus $100 bills founds stuffed in urinal sewer pipes under former Wilmerding HS
• 7/16 Dan Rather granted exclusive interview with reborn Human Stinkbomb
• 7/16 Lincoln Boro police arrest Jane C driving a garbage truck full of fake money- locked up
• 7/17 Former Colorado Gov. Lamm announces a deal to pay Walleye $200 million for his movie rights
• 7/17 Big Picture goes to Mellon to get 1 krone, 1 cruzeiro, 1 Swiss franc and 1 lira
• 7/17 Charlotte Snuffers rub out the Nirvanas 9-0
• 7/17 billions of email cyber-love-letters collecting for Mr. Buckminster
• 7/17 Russian ladies go hog-wild at http://www.fe.msk.ru/misc/DSProd/cd_rom.html
• 7/17 register yourself with the NY State Police 12 most wanted at 800-262-4321
• 7/17 Hbomb drops a load right in the middle of Forbes Ave....there is unequivocally no doubt now-this IS Nightmare!
• 7/18 Perry Mason cracks the case- The Sharlitan Death. Clarence Mason cracks Gorilla Monsoons head.
• 7/18 Lyme disease runs amuck in Erie County. Ticks crawling on people like ants on Sam the Sham
• 7/18 see the Playboy playmate for July- Suzi Styrofoam- at http://www.rru.com/~suzi
• 7/18 Amex Selas up 13 points. NYSE Domtar down .3. NASDAQ Maxco even. Dreyfus Asset Allocation folds.....
• 7/18 BFI garbage truck blows up in Liberty tunnel- 13 killed, 20 injured
• 7/18 Sambo calls 800-447-8989. Then sends resume to PO Box 762 Rochester NY 14603
• 7/18 be a construction planner....check out www.bailey.com
• 7/19 while consuming a pound of chocolate Gail finally logs on to CK:P
• 7/19 Saudi Steelworkers needed...SS Suite 1600, Houston, TX 77079
• 7/19 Clinton tells Dole Hillary could beat Elizabeth with one hand tied behind her back
• 7/19 Cleveland Bulldykes slash the Ft. Worth Cyberkinks 3-0 and clinch first place in the PISS east
• 7/19 In a CBS News special report (reborn Human Stinkbomb) candidly reveals his death was staged + a hoax
• 7/19 Tightwad Doughboy- slimmed down to 270 slim lbs. re-applies to Carson Long
• 7/19 CDC reports a new life threatening parasite has entered the US: the Portugese Edelweise fly
• 7/20 In shame Buckminster BFS Brownpants Nightmare moves to the rural north- will apply for welfare on Monday
• 7/20 Hardturd gets 30 40 ounce malts delievered express from http://news.std.com/andlqr/
• 7/20 Hardturd joins http://www.virtualvin.com for the monthly wine program
• 7/20 PLG dreams that Abdul-Alibaba Nanak Varhamana is really Chopra/Sagan/Campbell/Jung in one persona
• 7/20 Goldenshowers 9, Reptiles 3. San Fran locks up west PISS title
• 7/20 Heroinballs travels north to see his best friend but is side tracked by eight-headed deer along I79-N
• 7/20 Gretzky signs with the MHL Aurora Two-timers for $32 a game
• 7/20 BigBucksMachomanRambo arrested and jailed for counterfeiting...see www.venco.com
• 7/21 Dial the Dime Line at 800-583-5801
• 7/21 Sharlitan Gluesniffer and dope-head Heroinballs get wrecked on bolt, apple jack and wet dank
• 7/21 900 employees at 50 locations.....send resume to....www/cbsinc.com
• 7/21 Lilliput registers with http://www.a1.sri.com/~lau/trucks/drivers.html
• 7/21 with a $2 million loan from http://www.dir.com/commercial/love -Samdollarman bails himself out of lockup
• 7/21 Dr. Koop warns that the Edelweise fly might kill thousands
• 7/21 Buckminster Brownpants and his dope buddy eat raw liver and haluska noodles in an attempt to get straight
• 7/22 drug duo find there way to the Sharon Public Assistance office-welfare refused- both kicked out
• 7/22 OJ joins --Group Against Anti-Violence and Murders Who Cut Their Wifes Heads Off--
• 7/22 Lysakou, Euseev + Pashevich (Chicotilo Bulls) release Learn to Swim. Becomes overnight super hit.
• 7/22 On Monday Night Raw pencil necked geek Freddie Blassee throws Sabel out of the ring
• 7/22 confused/unhappy Abdul-Alibaba Nanak Varhamana changes his name to Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru
• 7/22 thirty seven confirmed dead from Portugese Edelweise fly in Salt Lake City
• 7/22 Jailbird MachoComatchoSamotcho directs his Texas Inst. 128K keyboard at http://www.fe.msk.ru/
• 7/23 dangerous levels of toxic fumes build up in northern PA
• 7/23 Dial (095) 152 51 16 to talk to Lysakou, Euseev + Pashevich
• 7/23 Gladys Gloria Glasshead (http://www.rru.com/~ggg) calls 800-606-2290 to hook up with putrid Hbomb
• 7/23 Phlebotomist (800-333-6607) recruits OJ
• 7/23 Ecuador Cotopaxi volcano erupts killing 1,790 coffee farmers
• 7/23 after taking a horrendous beating transvestite slob Doughboy kicked out of Carson Long-left for the vultures
• 7/23 13 die in Torrington, Alberta from the effects of fly epidemic
• 7/23 In game 1 of the PISS Western championship the Lubbock Footlongs pound the SF Goldenshowers 13-1 in SF
• 7/24 Foreman (279/47) signs to fight Holmes (259/48) in Salina-winner gets 275,000 Arch burgers
• 7/24 Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru sleeps better on air....800-831-1211
• 7/24 Hard-working Sam joins the wire-pullers to expand his career horizons
• 7/24 The Cleveland Bulldykes wreck the Yellowbuckets 7-0 in game one of the eastern finals in Cleveland
• 7/24 Mr. Hardturd makes his own booze from http://www.homebrewers/com/
• 7/24 SAA plants pitunias...Doughboy roto tills everything...Brownpants gazes at Europa
• 7/25 Aurora Two-timers trade Gretzky to the Sheridan Rattlesnakes for $30 and a train ticket to WY
• 7/25 Group Against Anti-Violence and Murders Who Cut Their Wifes Heads Off party at Cochrans home
• 7/25 after a hard day wire-pulling Machoman RamboSam gets tanked at Chiefs Cafe
• 7/25 Police investigate a proliferation of fake $100 bills in Oakland
• 7/25 Hurricane Horatio plows into South Carolina- $88 million damage
• 7/25 Get edumacated at http://www.pitt.edu/HOME/Org/SRFS/tsch_sum/tschindx.htm
• 7/25 Cement-clogged Gastro-Buckminster Walleye gives himself a Fleet Hard-Lax edema and 13 suppositories
• 7/26 Get the Suzi Styrofoam story at http://www.rru.com/~suzi/himsuzi.html
• 7/26 Mildew Spores stock goes higher than Heroinballs on homicide--shares up to .13 cents
• 7/26 Hbomb liquid-pants (swimming in a sea of diarrhea) drinks a quart of Immodium
• 7/26 Slob Doughboy takes on an eating career at 800-432-2433 x210
• 7/26 Goldenshowers even playoff series drubbing the Footlongs 8-0 before 31,200
• 7/26 visit the worlds 9th largest software co at www.sas.com
• 7/26 dry mouthed, runny nosed, bloodshot eyed Heroinballs snorts crack until he suffers a brain implosion
• 7/27 Ahmed Johnson and Pall Bearer win the Tag team titles pinning Sunny and Marlena
• 7/27 In Tokyo, before 39,919 fans the Chargers crush the Steelers 99-0
• 7/27 Modell guarantees Baltimore fans (in writing) the Ravens will win the Superbowl this year!!!!!
• 7/27 rubberneck Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru helps SJMF cheapskates roto-till their barren soil
• 7/27 PLG, embarking on her latest career, calls 800-491-3470 for Massage training
• 7/27 after a hard workout with the roto-tiller Pillsbury Doughboy eats a 25 lb. bag of Morton salt pellets
• 7/27 Portugese Edelweise fly fever sweeps thru Cleveland as 49 die at Mayo
• 7/27 Bulldykes kick Yellowbucks 3-1 to take a commanding series lead 2-0
• 7/28 Moneybags applies for a loan at Chase Manhattan 800-500-0045....rejected- no collateral
• 7/28 McClatchie says he will keep the Pirates in Pittsburgh if the Ravens win the Superbowl this year
• 7/28 American College of Gastoenterology calls Walleye in for a thorough checkup
• 7/28 BigPictureBigBucksMachomanRamboSambo applies for a loan at National City 800-806-7681-rejected-bad credit
• 7/28 Hurricane Immelda crushes South Carolina- $2 billion damage, 40 killed and 7,150 injured
• 7/28 SAA and Gail- now all gung-ho on www/homepages etc. study HTML...Gail eats a pound of chocolate as well
• 7/28 (high on a bottle of Geritol) Buckminster Hbomb lets a load fly....Kennywood Park evacuated by hazmat crew
• 7/29 halitosis breath Mahavira-juni Lao-Tze Garu-Guru changes his name to Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba
• 7/29 compressor konked out-ants crawling everywhere-car wrecked + out of funny-money- Sambo goes to Chiefs
• 7/29 Bell South fails...18.7 million customers have no telecommunication services
• 7/29 Hardturd slops down 18 malts as he watches Zabisko beat Jake the Snake on Raw
• 7/29 Sheridan Rattlesnakes sell Gretzky to Saskatchewan Icehouses- free gratis
• 7/29 Blue Cross merges with Rite Aid which merges with Health America which buys Red Cross which merges with....
• 7/29 Lilliput will go after yet another cyber-degree...this time at http://nsccux.sccd.ctc.edu:80/
• 7/29 out of malt- Hardturd orders the real hard stuff at http://a1.com/ace...express deliver scheduled
• 7/30 Doughboy lard-bucket tries to slim down...gets Fat Burners 50 for $5.99 at K-mart
• 7/30 Doughboys big stinking wife panics and eats 13 egg bagels and then provides fertilizer for roto-till yard
• 7/30 Footlongs 11, Goldenshowers 0 in the west----Indianapolis Yellowbuckets 10, Bulldykes 1 in the east
• 7/30 Heroinballs...down and destitute orders from truckers roadkill at http://www.truckers.com/roadkill.htm
• 7/30 Gourmet restaurants nationwide begin selling the delicacy raw liver and haluska noodles
• 7/30 Pilgrims on their way to Alpha Centauri send 8 bit message that they were recently back on earth (7/15)
• 7/30 World stunned....was Hbombs death a hoax or is Mr. Stinkman really the new savior???????
• 7/30 Former Colorado Gov. Lamm announces a deal to pay Walleye $310 million for his movie rights
• 7/31 Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba claims he is responsible for Hbombs resurrection
• 7/31 BigPicture sees $$$ signs- visits Mr. Stench in McKeesport hoping to capitalize (literally)
• 7/31 Lilliput digs out paperwork on PLG Rubbish Collection
• 7/31 Chicotilo Bulls sells 598 billion CDs in July alone.....an all-time record
• 7/31 CDC warns that a new version of the Edelweise fly is prevalent..this is the Spanish variety
• 7/31 Pillsbury man checks out www.ixc.com.net
• 7/31 Pilgrims reported seen on route 375 in Nevada. One observer said these people had eight heads
• 7/31 Hurricane Josepi crushes South Carolina- state wiped out
• 7/31 PLG, looking for a big thrill, consults the Delphi oracle on what the future holds for Vladivostok studabubbas

  ---

  If you enjoyed this material, you can find other satire, humor, comedy and sarcasm written by Dan Sroka at the following sites:
  • Dan Sroka World Famous Calendars and Short Stories
  • Dan Sroka's Unpublished Proceedings
  • Dan Sroka's Digital Diarrhea
  • satire-by-sroka
  • Dan Sroka's Berserk Briefs

    ---

    Copyright © Dan Sroka, 6/29/96, 4/08

    ---

    The World Famous Calendars are a division of the Dan Sroka Humor Network. If you would like to be notified whenever new writings are added to any of these sites send a BLANK email message to this address: satire-by-sroka-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

    ---

    
    
    
    

    ---

    Network Endorsements and Shopping. The Dan Sroka Humor Network is a totally free, non-revenue producing entity. Please patronize and shop with our partners and help keep America's Leading INDEPENDENT Adult Humor Network free
    Endorsements/Shopping

    ---

    
    
    
    
    
    
    Visit One of Our Many Network Affiliate Sites. Click the banner below.