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Drunk Doctor Fucks Up Patient
Milwaukee, Wisc. (DDNS) A bumbling idiot surgeon has crossed the line this
time. Police arrested Dr.
Poindexter J. Skinflint at the Milwaukee Anal-Rupture Hospital and School of Proctology after the doctor performed surgery and completely
fucked up a helpless patient suffering from cancer of the intestines,
intestinal polyps and cancer of the ass hole.
DDNS star reporter Helena Frenulum Hymen was on
the scene when Milwaukee Police put Skinflint in the paddy wagon at the
Anal-Rupture Hospital. Hymen stuck her nose in hospital business and came
up with the following bleak chronology as to how a surgeon fell from grace
and a cancer patient was left near death by the actions of this
incompetent fuckoff.
Hymen elaborated, “
Hakio Hardturd was admitted to the Milwaukee Anal-Rupture Hospital on Friday with severe but operable lower gastrointestinal tract cancer. It
seems the patient had not shit in 13 days and he was bloated and backed up to the degree that he was swollen beyond his normal 240 lb.
overweight carcass.”
“It was imperative that the surgery be done expediently on this big
tub-o-shit (no literal pun intended) so the hospital summoned in Dr. Skinflint at 2 am. However the surgeon was out drinking all night prior to being summoned in for surgery. In fact, he came staggering into the hospital with a bottle of vodka in his hand. The drunk doctor prepared
for surgery on Mr. Hardturd, even though his peers and subordinates realized he was stone drunk!”
“The boozed up doctor proceeded to chop, grind and generally
butcher up the helpless shit-filled slob, tying his large and small
intestines into an unbelievable mess. The sloppy lush had blood and
guts everywhere and it is feared Hakio Hardturd will not live much longer.
The patient is now on life support, in the ICU, oozing fecal material
out of every orifice, including his ears, eyes and mouth.”
Dr. Poindexter Skinflint continued to drink vodka as he butchered up the
patient. He was so damn drunk he left the empty vodka bottle inside the
patient’s intestinal cavity. (This has since been removed and will
be used as evidence against this idiotic alcoholic).
Hymen reported “Police had no problem arresting Skinflint at the
Milwaukee Anal-Rupture Hospital and School of Proctology. He was so drunk
he passed out in the back of the paddy wagon not knowing who or where he
was.
Milwaukee Anal-Rupture Hospital and School of Proctology President
Theodore C. Brownhole was questioned by our star reporter Hymen. His
brief statement follows: “We are saddened and horrified by this
tragic turn of events. We send out condolences to Mr. Hardturd and his
family. He’s as good as dead. As far as surgeon Poindexter J.
Skinflint goes- he’s a no good fucking alcoholic. The board fired his
ass once we learned there is a potential for a law suit against the
hospital. That abdicates us from any legal responsibility in this
malpractice case. That no-good fucker is done”.
Skinflint is sobering up in the Milwaukee city jail.
Copyright © Dan Sroka, 8/28/99, 
4/08
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