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Dan Sroka Presents Digital Diarrhea Volume #14

World’s First Internet Funeral

Dallas, TX. (DDNS) Editor’s Note: Digital Diarrhea News Service has exclusive rights to publish the first funeral ever conducted over the internet. This trend setting and innovative use of the internet would not be sponsored or broadcast by any other news organization. DDNS realizes this is a controversial use of this technology. At the same time, we realize the internet has changed the world as we know it and, consequently, we must utilize this technology to our fullest advantage. You are a part of history in that you are partaking of the first virtual funeral ever conducted, anywhere in the world. This solemn event may be more than some meek or squeamish individuals can withstand. Be forewarned- this will not be pleasant. If you have any trepidation about this matter- leave now.

Texas Fat Boy Washes Up out of Trinity River

(DDNS) A year ago today John Henry (Big Beer Belly) Sanchez died of a massive coronary. Police in the Dallas area have been searching for his corpse since he died in Feb. 1999. Two days ago cops recovered a human corpse floating in the Trinity River in Dallas and forensic tests confirmed it to be John Henry (Big Beer Belly) Sanchez.

The badly decomposed 500 lb. human garbage dumpster died last year while attending the annual “ Blub Fest” for Texas Fat Boys. After gorging himself on enough food to feed a small nation, Big Beer Belly Sanchez dropped over dead. His body was never found, and it was rumored he was eaten by his fellow human pigs at the Blub Fest. However, Sanchez’s body was found floating in the river by a local derelict on Thursday. The street bum, who would not identify himself, told DDNS “I was stone drunk, laying on the river bank, when I saw what appeared to be a pink elephant floating by. I summoned a nearby cop and subsequently the body of a man was pulled out of the river. I’m never going by the riverbank again” cried out the homeless tramp.

Sanchez had no family that would acknowledge him, and his friends were all eating at the 2000 Blub Fest being conducted here now at the Texas Double-Oink Ranch, near Dallas. As a consequence, his remains were put on display at the Texas School Book Depository Discount Funeral Home.

Seizing the opportunity to make history, the Digital Diarrhea News Service decided to capitalize on the situation. The first virtual funeral is the result. To date, no one has visited or paid respects to the late John Henry (Big Beer Belly) Sanchez at the funeral home but, through the miracle of the internet, millions can potentially view and pay respects to this human monstrosity.

Sanchez’s virtual funeral will be conducted for eternity. His carcass will be ground up into human pellets on Monday and this will be used to feed the millions of pigeons in the Dallas metropolitan area next week.

If you want to make a contribution towards the costs incurred for disposal of the remains of this human beast or the costs associated with the Worlds First Internet Funeral send unmarked (crisp new) $100.00 dollar bills to the Editor of the Digital Diarrhea News Service. For the mailing address- send an email to killerdildo@safe-mail.net.

Lastly, be sure and inform your friends, associates, colleagues, enemies, lovers, etc. of this page. They too will want to be a part of history and pay their respects to this fallen hefty hero. John has left us, but his memory will live on forever and ever, thanks to the Digital Diarrhea News Service.

4/08

Digital Diarrhea is a division of the Dan Sroka Humor Network. If you would like to be notified whenever new writings are added to any of these sites send a BLANK email message to this address: satire-by-sroka-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

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