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Dan Sroka Presents Digital Diarrhea Volume #17
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Shit and Piss = HumanSludgeCorp
(DDNS) Two obnoxious and hated assholes have joined forces and their goal is to exploit you and make your life more miserable than it already is. These pricks have worked up a corporate scheme that will not only use you, and your waste material, but it will have you ultimately eating your own shit and piss! Don’t believe it? Read on, genius.
Ever hear of “HumanSludgeCorp”? You’d better learn about it fast. Because the despised and hated Buckminster Shitpants, known throughout the world for his anti-social behavior and exploiting ways, has teamed up with another filthy and disrespected fuck-off, namely Pissbucket Ignoramus Sludge Santos, (PISS, for short) and they have formed HumanSludgeCorp. HumanSludgeCorp’s mission and goal is to exploit you. Pure and simple.
You see, Buckminster has this thing about shit. Call it a fetish if you will. And the big three hundred pound anal-retentive goon got jealous about the fame and fortune bar room buddy/associate PISS was having with his Urban Urinal concept. So the manipulative hound approached Piss one evening when he was half plastered at Pedro’s Pool Hall and the two shit heads formed and alliance which ultimately became known as HumanSludgeCorp.
Pure and simple, HumanSludgeCorp will take your waste, process it, and put it back out in the marketplace, where you will pay to eat your own feces and urine! That’s right, you will be consuming your own shit and piss.
The ingenious Buckminster extrapolated on Piss’ idea with the Urban Urinal one step further. He contracted with one of the major producers of outdoor portable johns and he bought millions of these units which he has placed all over America and Mexico. So, unsuspecting average folks like yourself use these portable units, thinking nothing much of the process, but you are in for a rude awakening! What Shitpants and Sludge Santos have arranged for with HumanSludgeCorp is to reuse your waste. The company collects your shit and piss from all of these portable johns and processes it into sausage that you can purchase at your local supermarket. That’s right- pure shit and piss, in your store bought sausage.
Hundreds of thousands of packages have been sold already, under a number of brand names and in-house store brands. Just think, you probably ate your own shit and piss this morning!
And the greedy Buckminster won’t stop there. He’s spreading HumanSludgeCorp across the globe. He recently signed an agreement to supply his human shit/piss sausage to Bundesbordelloland, where they eat more sausage per person than in any other nation on earth.
What can you do about this situation? Nothing, other than staying away from sausage. But be aware that HumanSludgeCorps next product, already in the works, will be beer made totally from piss. Pissbucket Ignoramus Sludge Santos is taking measures to have all of his millions of Urban Urinals retrofitted so that he can collect your urine. This in turn will go directly into his new HumanSludgeCorp Brewery being built on the west side of Detroit.
So, there you have the full story. You can deny it all you like. Just remember this. You have read about these two fuckers and their no-good ways time and time again. Be forewarned that this is not the end!
Copyright © Dan Sroka, 4/29/00, 
9/08
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