Dan Sroka's Digital Diarrhea Volume #25

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Dan Sroka Presents Digital Diarrhea Volume #25

Jap Peasant Raft Sinks US Sub- 109 Killed

Bulletin (DDNS) Tragedy is reported off the coast of eastern Japan as the US submarine Betty Page Hamhock was suddenly and brutally attacked and sunk by a peasant raft. The Pentagon has confirmed all 109 members of the ship are dead, at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, 12 knots east of the Japanese city of Yokohama.

The incident, believed related to the recent tragedy in Hawaii where a US submarine mistakenly destroyed a Japanese fishing boat and killed nine members on-board, is the worst non war related catastrophe ever experienced by the mighty US Navy. Pentagon spokesperson Fredrick (Anal) Constipation elaborated “This is a solemn moment in US and world history. The Betty Page Hamhock, an integral part of our peace-keeping, war deterring strategic fleet in the Pacific was blatantly attacked and sunk in a malicious and wanton act of retribution. We now have no recourse but to declare war on the island of Japan and it’s vicious blood thirsty people”.

This terrible tragedy came about as a result of the careless disregard exhibited by drunken Jap peasants who were illegally spear hunting harmless Killer Whales in the region of the Pacific where our peace-keepers were on a routine peace-keeping mission. The tanked up killer savages were on a whale killing frenzy. We had reports of three derelicts drinking saki in massive quantities and brutally attacking and killing peaceful, docile whales with their vicious spears.

The three crazed Jap booze hounds and murders mistook the submarine Betty Page Hamhock for a whale and, true to their callous disregard for all life, animal or human, filled the peacefully submerged ship with death inducing spears. The mighty nuclear powered Betty Page Hamhock immediately sunk to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean killing all 109 innocent, peace loving sailors on board.
Murdering Jap

The Jap killer booze hounds reportedly boasted of their carnage. An American interpreter in the port where the raft docked heard killer Kikiheri Jingheri Tsa boasting “We fucked up those damn American war mongers. That will teach them to fuck with one of our fish boats. Let’s drink Saki like the mad men we are and eat illegal raw whale blubber until our gut’s bust open in celebration of the murders of these no good fucking Imperialistic war mongers!”

The Pentagon spokesperson Fredrick (Anal) Constipation announced “we have 67 Stealth Bombers carrying no less than 798 1 billion megaton neutron bombs on the way to Japan. By using the neutron bombs, we won’t have to help in the rebuilding process”.

The three crazed Jap booze hounds/murders have been given the highest honor that can be bestowed upon civilians- the “Saki drunkard whale killing Imperialist murdering order of the Emperor”. Honoree’s receive a life time supply of potent Saki and all the raw whale blubber they can eat until they die. They will also get an all expenses paid trip in a deep-sea submersible to the bottom of the Pacific where they will observe the mangled wreckage of the Betty Page Hamhock.

3/08

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