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Dan Sroka Presents Digital Diarrhea Volume #6
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Oddball Rapes Himself!
Charlotte, NC (DDNS) You think you have read some pretty weird and bizarre news stories on the Digital Diarrhea News Service right? Well.
this one is more berserk than anything you’ve read so far. It comes from the southland and is about one loony dude that has taken up residence down there in the Tobacco Road area. Have you heard of Buckminster
Brownpants, aka Shitpants?
Buckminster roams the countryside in rural North Carolina just outside of the Charlotte area. He’s a nomad roamer. Former truck driver who a while back crashed his 18 wheeler and killed several people in the process. He got fired from that job. Since then Brownpants has been wandering through the hills and valleys smoking dope and staying drunk.
Buckminster has a bad track record (check out his history below).
Well, he’s once again in trouble- this time for crimes against
himself. It seems that the usually bombed half wit smoked too much hash
and slopped down too many quarts of malt, went into a psychotic state and snapped out totally. As best as can be ascertained, Buckminster took out
his personal 20 inch electric vibrator, turned it up to maximum voltage, and proceeded to ream himself out. He was found naked and moaning in an
alleyway behind a bar with the (uncharged) devise embeded in his ass.
Paramedics took Buckminster Brownpants to the local hospital where the vibrator was removed by a proctologist. The beast was still in a psychotic state and threatened to kill everyone present in the emergency room so he was sedated with a lot of morphine and demerol.
After Buckminster came to his senses the following morning he declared he
was going to file law suits for crimes
against a human being. (That is a debatable matter). He subsequently filed
a criminal suit- against himself- in Mecklenburg County Court for rape and
involuntary deviant sexual intercourse. The legal papers indicate he is
asking for $1.5 million for physical damages he inflicted upon himself and
$3.1 million for defamation of character. At the same time he filed a
civil suit against Buckminster Brownpants (Shitpants) i.e. himself
charging $25 million in wrongful abuse of thyself. Buckminster has
procured a famous, wealthy and prominent lawyer to represent
“Buckminster vs Buckminster” and this lawyer indicates he has
every reason to believe the charges in both the civil and criminal
lawsuits will be successful- enabling his client to sue himself for the
crimes he conducted against himself.
The goon is back out roaming the rural North Carolina Tobacco Road terrain
again. “I don’t know what happened” stated Brownpants.
“I only had 30 pipe fulls of fortified hash and 20 quarts of malt
liquor. Anyway, I don’t have to worry- they kept the vibrator at the
hospital. Those things can be dangerous."
Note: The following links will give you some background on Buckminster
Brownpants and his notorious track record. This is not a complete history.
There is much more to be found if you really look.
Copyright © Dan Sroka, 7/3/99, 
4/08
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