Dan Sroka's Digital Diarrhea News Service News Briefs V5

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Delicious Tart Has a Valentine Treat for You

Darmstadt, Germany (DDNS) Bundesbordellobabe Frauline Fellatio Freda is up to her old tricks. The young lady, known across the globe for her oral abilities, has decided to play Cupid for some lucky men this Valentine’s Day. The young sex queen has agreed to give 50 virile men the “works” on Feb. 14th (Valentine’s Day). Freda, who recently became a proponent of safe sex practices (see related story) changed her mind after realizing that safe sex wasn’t getting it for her or her partners. So, in order to make up for lost time and lost action, Freda will take on 50 dudes starting at 6 am on Valentines Day. (Sorry girls- this is just between the men and Freda).

Frauline Fellatio Freda shows you her jugs

“I’ve missed a lot of fun over the past many weeks and I want a good soaking and to make some boys just let it all out!” stated the Bundesbordello sex queen. “If I can make Valentine’s Day special for a bunch of guys that’s just great. I know what they like and you better believe they are gonna get what they like”.

If you want to be one of the lucky dudes to get a real tongue lashing from this hungry sexpot- send email to the address listed explaining why you want to be with Freda on Valentine’s Day and what you can offer her that merits her considering you as one of the lucky 50 doinks to get to experience her oral delights. Send email to killerdildo@safe-mail.net . If you are chosen by Freda, you will be notified of the details, meeting place etc. by Feb. 12. Good Luck!

Cornhole Gets Reamed Out!

Quebec, Quebec (DDNS) Union mogul, political bigwig, and reputed gay boy Baluga H. Cornhole got his ass reamed out good this time. Provincial Police busted the big fucking nerd in his home after receiving anonymous tips that the sleeze bucket had a large porno cache on the premise.

Forty armed officers equipped with riot gear busted into Baluga’s home near midnight last night and found the fucking goon laying on the floor drunk with porno magazines spread all over the place. Apparently he had beat himself silly on porno and several gallons of malt liquor.

Police arrested the 300 pound human gorilla and locked him up in chains. Then, in searching his home, they found hundreds of thousands of porn books, movies and literature. The illegal cache is the biggest ever confiscated in the Quebec gay boy province, according to Police Inspector Piere E. Viggorette, who orchestrated the raid.

Viggorette stated that the library-like porno cache would be removed from Cornholes home as he is going to be in jail for a long time to come. He refused to say what disposition the seized property would face, but 39 of the officers involved in the raid did not return to the station post bust. Balugas neighbors reported a strange odor coming from the premise after the raid.

Nine Foot Tall Swede Wants to Pound You Silly

Stockholm, Sweden (DDNS) Gibby Gilligan, the tallest woman in the world wants to get her hands on YOU. The big bulldyke has made it clear that “men are not my cup of tea” and that she will “fuck you up royally” if she gets the opportunity.

Gilligan, 24 and a record nine foot, one inch, weights in at a sleek 277 lbs. Our reporter, who took a brutal ass beating at the hands of this beast just to get an interview, was hospitalized after the ass whipping and is in a coma. Thus, DDNS has nothing to report, other than the fact that our reporter is not expected to live.

Gibby Gilligan- she's going to FUCK YOU up!

Any of you sorry sap masochistic goons out there that want to get your ass whipped by this big monster- click here and explain why you want Gibby to beat the fuck out of you. We will respond once we can work the nine footer into your schedule. Be forewarned however that Gilligan has already killed scores of men so you enter into this risky endeavor totally at your own risk!

Tragic NEWS- Gibby Gilligan Murdered in NYC

Click here for details

2/08

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