Dan Sroka's Digital Diarrhea News Service News Briefs V6

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Doctor Attacks World’s Tallest Woman

Milwaukee, Wisc. (DDNS) World renowned MD Poindexter J. Skinflint has publicly denounced and verbally attacked one of the most controversial figures in our world today- 9 foot tall female monster Gibby Gilligan. Skinflint held a news conference at the Anal-Rupture Hospital and told our lead reporter Helena Frenulum Hymen, “Gibby Gilligan is not 9 foot, 1 inch- in fact Gibby Gilligan is not even a woman! I operated on the big bulldyke last week, removing a foot long cement-like turd from Gilligans intestinal track, and I observed a rather large penis on the so-called world’s tallest woman! She is actually a he,” stated Skinflint to a jam packed conference room of reporters. Skinflint further elaborated, “Gilligan is only 9 foot tall- not 9’ 1”, as had been widely spread on the internet, TV and other media.” Dr. Skinflint was immediately escorted out of the Anal-Rupture Hospital post news conference and rushed away in an armored vehicle. Reporter Helena Frenulum Hymen informed the Digital Diarrhea news service that Skinflint feared for his life. “He’s running scared now,” stated the gorgeous and brainy Hymen.

Tit Massager Makes Quasi-porn Movie

Chicago, Il, (DDNS) Lovely sexpot and male teaser Senorita Stimclit, known worldwide for fondling her big tits and always wearing “come fuck me” platform high heels, has been signed to make a tit massage (non-porno) movie. The sexy nineteen year old cum drinker and stripper will be featured in a plotless cinema extravaganza in which she merely rubs and fondles her big jugs for the entire 90 minute length quasi-porn movie. Stimclit will be paid nearly one million dollars for the escapade. She told reporter Helena Frenulum Hymen, “Don’t you wish you had this opportunity to make millions of men shoot their loads all over everything?” Hymen further elaborated that Stimclit’s only stipulation was that she must wear super high platform high heels during the whole movie and at least 15 studs must lick her clit, while she rubs her big melons. The male activity WILL NOT be a part of the quasi-porn movie however. Senorita Stimclit reportedly has spent over half of the money she was paid for the soon to be released sexual tease movie on new platform high heels. “I have over 3,000 pairs,” she bragged to reporter Hymen, who herself wears sexual tease footwear at all times as well. Stimclit gave Hymen a free pass for the as yet unnamed tit massage movie but our reporter ripped the ticket up and left Stimclit standing naked, in high heels, caressing her tits, as usual.

Stimclit rubs her tits for 90 minutes

Diamond Cutters Head for Pakistan

Antwerp, Belgium, (DDNS) Zealot Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz, leader of the Antwerp Diamond Cutters has rallied the Mogen David boys and has vowed to destroy the world’s most wanted man. Berkovitz and 35 bagel eating human meatballs boarded a chartered 727 at the Antwerp International Airport for a nonstop flight to an unspecified location in Pakistan. On board, along with the 36 fatboys, were 300,000 half gallons of Mogen David and 200,000 gallons of King Solomon fortified wine. Additionally, the Diamond Cutters chartered a C5A cargo plane that will accompany the boozers to Pakistan. The C5A had over 500 billion egg bagels loaded aboard. Berkovitz told our star reporter Helena Frenulum Hymen “It’s going to be a long, hard journey, but we will overcome all obstacles and annihilate this no-good Islamic asshole mother fucker! I personally am going to force him to drink a bottle of strong wine before I chop off his fucking head and send it to the Idi Amin cannibals over in Uganda to have for their supper.” Hymen consumed an egg bagel as she waved goodbye to the two planes taking off for the hell hole, terrorist haven known as Pakistan. An official from the Pakistan government, who would not reveal his identity indicated the government would not let “these alcoholic, bagel eating lardass infidels into our country. The fuckoffs will have to land in India, because if they come over our airspace we will blow them out of the sky.” Berkovitz called Hymen on her cell phone and was told of the threat. Berkovitz informed our reporter there were no bagels on the C5A but rather 5 smuggled hydrogen bombs he purchased from North Korea. It looks like there is going to be some trouble in Pakistan very soon.

Bombs for Pakistani terrorist harborers

6/08

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