Win 1000 Pounds of British Beef

Now, I happen to consider myself a creative and innovative writer. Over the last five years I’ve created, written and produced hundreds of adult humor stories, launched 5 semi-successful humor brands, and been published in any number of internet comedy venues. Still, I always feel the need to come up with a new idea that will make people flock to my sites and declare me as THE best damn adult humor writer in the world! I believe this time I’ve finally got the tool that will do the trick.

Just to give you an example of what I am up against, I recently launched a contest to celebrate the fifth anniversary of my first internet creation- the World Famous Calendars and Short Stories. The calendars, which are elongated, intertwined, berserk stories have won critical acclaim and several awards, which I do not even utilize. It was a very creative concept, if I have to say so myself. I still get traffic from all over the globe, for a product that is no longer produced. The country that sends me the most traffic is the UK.

Well, I figured I’d offer $100 US as the contest prize. Yes, me, the writer of all this trash, who has never earned a single penny for the hundreds of stories I’ve given out for free for the last five years, would offer $100 of my own hard earned money to some lucky winner who entered the contest and joined my fan club. Man, I figured this was it.... internet comedy nuts would be flocking to my site and signing up for my fan club and entering the contest by the thousands! I’ve had the contest going for over 2 weeks now and not a soul has entered yet! Do you want $100?

Now I have a better idea. I figure that since I get a lot of hits from the UK at my 4 humor sites, maybe I could come up with an idea that would cater to the British fans in particular, as well as the populace at large.

I have procured one thousand pounds of fresh British beef. (I got it at a very economical price, but I’ll not go into that part of it). Creative and innovative guy that I am, I’m officially announcing and starting a contest, where you, the reader, can win this excellent gourmet product.

All you have to do is send me your email address with “I want to win 1000 Lbs. of British Beef” in the subject line. Now, I know there are potentially thousands of individuals that would just love to win THIS prize. Aren’t you hungry?!

I am confident that finally this time I’m on the right track! I expect tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of entries! Finally I’ll get the recognition that I deserve. This will confirm... I am THE best damn adult humor writer in the world!

4/08

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