satire-by-sroka #21

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Ecumenical Reaction to the Popes Visit to Greece

Strong fallout has resulted from the Roman Catholic Popes recent visit to Greece. And THIS fallout is not from within the country itself. It’s from diverse religious groups world wide that want to counter and upstage the Popes action. This is a brief synopsis of what has transpired so far.

Rabbi Emanuel Berkovitz, a high ranking political official in the Antwerp Diamond Cutters district stopped the production of all egg flavored bagels nation wide in protest of the Popes invasion of Orthodox Catholic territory. We caught Berkovitz coming out of the backdoor of the Bamberg Bordello and asked him why he reacted so strongly to a simple attempt to conquer and unite all of Catholicism. Berkovitz, reacting rather surprised and nervous, responded “Well, Um, the chickens all died of hoof and mouth disease and I ran out of eggs”. The Rabbi abruptly ended the brief interview and bolted for his limo with his rabbi cap in hand, blocking our view of his face.

Outside of slum number 15077 on the west end of Calcutta, we found Messiah Nanak Varhamana Abdul-Alibaba II preaching to a makeshift crowd of about 57 million peasants. The Messiah called the Popes visit to Greece “sacrilegious” as about 750,000 of his aides distributed potent knobs of fortified (smoking pipe) hash to all in the crowd that had corn-cob pipes (estimated to be 56.9 million peasants). The Messiah slurred out “Just ‘cause this guy is twice as old as me doesn’t mean he’s better than me” before he fell off the podium stage in a drugged up stupor.

Another famous Indian religious mogul, Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV was spotted in the Bombay Beef Pit/Bar and Grill lecturing to about 1.7 million patrons in the establishment. The Swami bad-mouthed the Popes self-righteous and pompous actions, and bovine blood poured out of the corners of his mouth. “Fuck that pizza eating no good white coated mother fucker” spouted Swami Arjuna Dhritarashtra IV, as he ate near raw beef hoofs in a frantic frenzy. Cow hoofs, ears, tails, noses and unmentionables were flying in the air as the Bombay Beef Pit/Bar and Grill crowd went berserk in ecstasy.

The supreme leader of the Lubavitcher-Byzantine Brethren Emunoh Chrystotom Pagan-Parish, Ultra-pope Sheister Slob Doughboy had some nasty comments for the Pope. Taking a moment away from his nose picking, Ultra-pope Doughboy launched a tirade, which has been edited for readers. “That worthless fucking idiot. He is nothing but a God Damn charlatan. Those Catholics killed millions of Arabic women back in the 3rd century. They halted the development of the public sewer systems and stymied the growth of the Industrial Revolution. As Karl Marx once said “Give me a Roman Catholic and I’ll give you a piece of shit”. We are tired of these shenanigans. I’ve ordered my millions of followers to condemn the Popes actions in Greece, and anywhere else.” Doughboy then passed a collection plate but not a single coin was gathered. The nose picking resumed.

Needless to say, the Popes trip to Greece was not a popular one. He is no doubt more welcome in Castro’s Cuba. (The Pope was reportedly smoking Cuban cigars when he met with the Orthodox Catholic leaders in Greece).

4/08

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