Fido Cordon Bleu

Over the holidays, mean spirited tyrant Baluga H Cornhole took the boys up into Alberta on a moose and girl hunting expedition. The gang of roughnecks ran into trouble throughout most of their excursion and they were eventually tossed out of Canada and banned from ever returning to Canadian soil.

Baluga, who was still reeling from his ousting as President of Quebec, was in a particularly foul mood when he organized the boys for a trip across the border. Full of Canadian beer and whiskey, the boys were expelled from one small town after another. They were arrested and spent 2 days in the Magrath jail for shooting shotguns on the main drag. Baluga stated that was the direct result of one of the boys, Rambo Sambo, seeing a pink moose on Wilshire. Of course, what Cornhole did not tell you was that Sambo had a quart of Canadian Club in him as he was drinking from 8 am that morning. The gang sobered up and were ordered out of town after they ate the jail out of food.

The goons wound up in Redcliff and they were likewise busted there for allegedly fondling and manhandling a thirteen year old girl at Hobos Pub. Baluga reportedly made the underaged lady strip down to her platform high heels and dance naked on the bar before the cops arrived and busted all the perverts. Again, the boys spent time in the local lockup and were treated for DT’s by the local vet- before they were expelled for life.

Cornhole, Buckminster, Sambo and Hakio Hardturd were getting a little pissed that they were not seeing any game to speak of. Even when they were loaded, which was basically all the time, except when they were in various jails, they saw no moose whatsoever. Sambo kept seeing a pink moose, but that one could not be seen by the rest of the roughnecks. East of Weyburn, out in the frigid cold Sambo snapped. He’d had 2 quarts of Canadian whiskey, a little blurry eyed- he mistakenly shot and killed Baluga’s hound dog, Rover. Sambo though the dog was a moose. After a fight between the drunkards ended and they sobered up a little, the boys decided to make the best of the situation. They cooked fido, in gourmet fashion, making him into a meal of French Fido Cordon Bleu.

The boozeboys continued meandering around aimlessly in this wasteland, causing havoc and chaos wherever they ended up. Finally the MPs tossed their asses back across the border into Montana and they were told never to enter Canada again or warrants would be issued for their arrest.

Vindictive, hostile Baluga H Cornhole had only one comment after his expulsion: “Rover was getting old. Well, we had one good meal anyway”.

4/08

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