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Glutton!

How much pizza can one man eat? How much pizza can a big fat slob eat? How much pizza can a drunk big fat slob eat? A whole hell of a lot. Just ask Slobish Sheister Doughboy. This big wasted sham artist got plastered last night at Pedros Pool Hall and consumed a 45 inch manhole cover pizza- the biggest pizza on earth. And, it had over 6 pounds of toppings- everything from pickles to pork and anchovies- stacked 3 inches thick. It was enough pizza to feed an estimated 40 people. This big fat fucking drunkard lardass ate the whole damn thing himself!

Doughboy, a regular patron of Pedro’s, was feeling lonely on this Saturday night. All his peers (the word peers is used as he has no friends) were out shacking up with their girlfriends, wives or whorehouse sluts, so Doughboy sat at the bar and wallowed in his sorrow, consuming no less than two whole bottles of Thunderbird. Talking a lot of idiotic nonsense and small talk, he and bar owner Pedro had an all night long fart blowing contest to see who could blow out the loudest and most stinking bomb. Sheister Slob Doughboy was holding his own in the contest- his 350 pounds of lard and cholesterol, combined with the rotgut wine, can produce some potent, if not lethal gas bombs. It’s a good thing there were not many people at the bar.

So, after several hours of this crap, and two jugs of wine now in his gut, fatboy decided he wanted to eat. He ordered the “manhole cover”, a specialty pizza from Pedro’s kitchen. It’s the largest pizza in the entire world. The human whale, lonely and feeling sorry for his sad-sack ass, and blowed out of his gourd, decided he’d eat his way to happiness.

Believe it or not, the monster sat there and ate the whole fucking thing! Blowing farts out of one end, and shoving handfuls of slop down his throat, the beefy blob ate enough food to feed a small town. As he was halfway through, some of his peers popped into Pedros, peckers still throbbing from their shackups. Do you think this greedy glutton would offer them any of the worlds biggest pizza? Hell no- he ate at an increased pace!

Know what happened next? Fatboy, bloated like a overstuffed human watermelon fell asleep right at the table. His fat face covered in tomato sauce, sausage chunks and grease! Now, that’s a real damn glutton!

Pedro had to call Doughboys blobish vindictive asshole wife, who was out with her bulldyke girlfriends at a man-whipping party, to come and pickup the wasted slob. She gave him a good ass whipping as she dragged his lardass out of the Pool Hall.

7/08

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