What a collection! Misfits, mental midgets, human abortions, drunkard alcoholics, overt drug addicts, bigots, street bums, sex fiends, murderers, slobs and on and on. They were all present. It's any night- your average night, at Pedro's Pool Hall.
Over in the corner booth sits Sambo Rambo, Chieftain Hakio Hardturd and the Gruesome Gorilla Buckminster Shitpants. Been in that same booth since 8:15 am and the boys have had plenty to say to each other about their respective bad habits, unreliability and moral weaknesses. If you can see them through Hakio's smoke and Sambos jugs, your lucky. I take that back.... you're actually unlucky. The issue at hand at the moment is whether Stone Cold could defeat Goldberg in the best of 3 steel cage matches. Fried-synapse brain Hardturd contends Austin would beat the living shit out of any WCW flunky and Mr. Sambo, on his 37th martini, offers a rebuttal informing the other two geiser/belugas.. "Goldberg pounded 132 consecutive animals..He can't be beaten, you bloody union bastard!" Just then Buckminster seeped out a silent gastrointestinal methane murderer and the whole quadrant of Pedro's had to be evacuated.
Sambo Roughneck stumbled on over to the table in the rear where Porcupine Pman was elaborating on his escapades last night with Ice Princess. Pman was blabbing away to Heroinballs, who was snorting a hit of coke and at the same time mainlining a syringe of morphine straight into his jugular, not hearing a word. Without missing a syllable Pman runs this trash down to Sambo boozehead "and then we did it in the tub, on the toilet, in the sink, on the floor, on the banister and down in the dirty, filthy basement. I gave her a better workout than Stone Cold would give to Goldberg" and at that, Sambo moved away in a slow staggering gate.
Sitting at the bar along with several other shitheads was Baluga H Cornhole. He was telling Sheister Shamartist Doughboy about a dream he had last night were he was at a steel guitar engagement at the Apollo and he was bobbing for Fiona's apple's and just as he thought he had a mouth full he could hear, far off in the distance, an angelic choir singing You Can't Always Get What You Want. Doughboy found this all rather interesting and told Cornhole about his dream in which he was at a steel guitar engagement at the Metroplex. The fat sheister slob was making bubbles of love with some sexy 23 year old Australian babe who kept telling him "leave me alone" and this is a "big mistake". Doughboy woke and found his gruesome wighead bitch wife next to him and he realized what a big mistake this all really was! What a nightmare...
Pedro had just came out of the toilet and Stiffneck Sambo ordered up a bottle of Night Train Express. Pedro handed the bottle over to Sambo who was side tracked as Ice Princess walked into the dump in an ultra-miniskirt, 8 inch high heels, and dark stockings. Sambos glassy blood shot eyes suddenly cleared up and focused on that body and he asked Ice Princess to have a seat with him and she did. She asked the boozeboy what that brown stuff was all over the bottle and Sambo told her it was refried beans Pedro had just cooked up. Ice Princess proceeded to tell the drunkard about her escapades with an unnamed john last night, as she drank from the Night Train Express/refried bean bottle..." and then we did it in the tub, on the toilet, in the sink, on the floor, on the banister and down in the dirty, filthy basement. I gave him a better workout than Stone Cold would give to Goldberg" and at that, Sambo moved away in a slow staggering gate, with brown stuff all over his hands.
Mr. Sambo meandered into the back room and had a seat with his former work colleague Wilbur Creampuff. Debbie was doing Dallas and Wilbur was inhaling a footlong polish sausage smothered in brown stuff, smoking 3 cigarettes, and drinking his 11th quart of Schlitz Malt. In spite of all the consumption, Wilbur told Sambo he'd heard that Debbie had signed to do a movie with the winner of the Stone Cold/Goldberg match. Even though he was half-plastered, Sambo saw were this was leading and moved away slowly, forgetting his bottle covered in brown stuff.
Heroinballs was now in a deep self induced benzodiazepine coma. Buckminster Shitpants was sniffing a shopping bag full of toluene and dropping methane/sulfur gas bombs left and right. Sambo was slipping into unconsciousness slowly/steadily. Cornhole and Sheister Doughboy were fantasizing about the impossible. Hardturd and Creampuff decided to see who could smoke more, or drink more, or eat more, etc.
Porcupine Pman then saw Ice Princess and they snuck into the back room, not knowing that Pedro had his eye on them both. Pedro headed back to the bathroom.
Ending 1
Ending 2
Ending 3
7/08
